sometimes the tough days outweigh the happy moments, and blogging about it feels like dwelling in my the difficulty. I will exlucidate soon, but for now.....
feeling super blessed, remembering.
Friday, June 22, 2012
FIVE
clearing out the cobwebs here to revel in FIVE YEARS of amazingness!
sometimes the tough days outweigh the happy moments, and blogging about it feels like dwelling in my the difficulty. I will exlucidate soon, but for now.....
sometimes the tough days outweigh the happy moments, and blogging about it feels like dwelling in my the difficulty. I will exlucidate soon, but for now.....
Thursday, March 22, 2012
disclosure
Just a short post this morning, on a small incident last night that got me thinking.
I had my first rehearsal last night for Manon Lescaut. I love going back to rehearsal, and part of the fun is seeing my fellow singers and catching up, as we only see each other for big chunks of time every couple of months. This makes for an unusual situation, though. Whereas in a typical work situation, like Ben's, probably everyone would eventually know I have a daughter with autism. I haven't been at the opera company all that long and tend to be an overly private person, so many people don't know there. Most of my fellow opera-singer-moms know, and the one other mom who also has an older boy with pretty low-functioning autism.
Maybe I assume everyone on Facebook knows? Maybe I assume everyone understands about the difficulty in raising a child with special needs? I try to remember what I felt like
before
Violet's diagnosis. What I thought when I heard someone's child had been born with or diagnosed with autism. I'm pretty sure I pitied them.
Shame on me.
And how much this little lovey girl has taught me since then.
But, back to last night, chatting with several women, one of whom has a boy a few months older than Oliver and Violet. We've talked throughout the last four years, casually comparing them at different ages and laughing. Tonight we brought up readiness for kindergarten, and both seemed to feel the same way: uncertain but not wanting to push them too much, etc. Then she suddenly said, "My husband and I met this other couple with a 4-year-old with special needs, and, like, we try not to make fun of them for being so panicked, but, come on! EVERY child is "special". Every kid has "needs"."
Shit.
The statement hung there with a silent, "You know what I mean?" left in the air.
It wasn't the time or place to announce my situation, but I certainly wasn't going to nod or agree. The subject was quickly changed and off the conversation went. But the words sat in my stomach like a pit.
So many people, even smart, articulate, child-raising people must think this way. Is it my responsibility to stand up and explain/defend/educate? I don't want that job (thanks!), but I feel like I'm betraying my girl when I leave those silly words hanging there, unaddressed.
No clever ending here. Just a mama learning to toe the line and keep things right with her heart.
I had my first rehearsal last night for Manon Lescaut. I love going back to rehearsal, and part of the fun is seeing my fellow singers and catching up, as we only see each other for big chunks of time every couple of months. This makes for an unusual situation, though. Whereas in a typical work situation, like Ben's, probably everyone would eventually know I have a daughter with autism. I haven't been at the opera company all that long and tend to be an overly private person, so many people don't know there. Most of my fellow opera-singer-moms know, and the one other mom who also has an older boy with pretty low-functioning autism.
Maybe I assume everyone on Facebook knows? Maybe I assume everyone understands about the difficulty in raising a child with special needs? I try to remember what I felt like
before
Violet's diagnosis. What I thought when I heard someone's child had been born with or diagnosed with autism. I'm pretty sure I pitied them.
Shame on me.
And how much this little lovey girl has taught me since then.
But, back to last night, chatting with several women, one of whom has a boy a few months older than Oliver and Violet. We've talked throughout the last four years, casually comparing them at different ages and laughing. Tonight we brought up readiness for kindergarten, and both seemed to feel the same way: uncertain but not wanting to push them too much, etc. Then she suddenly said, "My husband and I met this other couple with a 4-year-old with special needs, and, like, we try not to make fun of them for being so panicked, but, come on! EVERY child is "special". Every kid has "needs"."
Shit.
The statement hung there with a silent, "You know what I mean?" left in the air.
It wasn't the time or place to announce my situation, but I certainly wasn't going to nod or agree. The subject was quickly changed and off the conversation went. But the words sat in my stomach like a pit.
So many people, even smart, articulate, child-raising people must think this way. Is it my responsibility to stand up and explain/defend/educate? I don't want that job (thanks!), but I feel like I'm betraying my girl when I leave those silly words hanging there, unaddressed.
No clever ending here. Just a mama learning to toe the line and keep things right with her heart.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
can I have a do-over please?
After Violet was diagnosed, Ben and I both agreed to be completely honest with our closest family members- about everything. It was an easy choice; Violet had only a handful of words at 2 1/2, communicating was really hard, and frankly, autism was a pretty good explanation for a lot.
We were even upfront with Oliver about it, right from the start. We explained as simply as possible that Violet's brain worked differently from his and we needed to be especially patient with her. We used the word 'autism' with him, and it was truly helpful in situations where he was frustrated with her not responding to him or tantruming out. Sometimes it even gave us a moment of comic relief .
Here's what genius mommy and daddy hadn't counted on:
Girlfriend becoming crazy verbal and communicative, and brother needed to fill her in on her diagnosis.
Repeatedly.
Or her beloved cousin announcing to everyone that he's "only playing with kids with autism right now", and grabbing Violet by the hand.
Ugh.
Right now, she doesn't get it. Ollie's enlightenment and Trevor's proclamations are either ignored or met blankly. But one day, she will ask, "what's autism?" or "I do?", and how on earth do I answer? And I pray that I get to be the one to answer instead of her brother or a peer.
I'm pretty sure that Ben and I made a colossal error in being so blunt with our then-two-year-old son. Here's hoping for a better path from here on out....
We were even upfront with Oliver about it, right from the start. We explained as simply as possible that Violet's brain worked differently from his and we needed to be especially patient with her. We used the word 'autism' with him, and it was truly helpful in situations where he was frustrated with her not responding to him or tantruming out. Sometimes it even gave us a moment of comic relief .
Here's what genius mommy and daddy hadn't counted on:
Girlfriend becoming crazy verbal and communicative, and brother needed to fill her in on her diagnosis.
Repeatedly.
Or her beloved cousin announcing to everyone that he's "only playing with kids with autism right now", and grabbing Violet by the hand.
Ugh.
Right now, she doesn't get it. Ollie's enlightenment and Trevor's proclamations are either ignored or met blankly. But one day, she will ask, "what's autism?" or "I do?", and how on earth do I answer? And I pray that I get to be the one to answer instead of her brother or a peer.
I'm pretty sure that Ben and I made a colossal error in being so blunt with our then-two-year-old son. Here's hoping for a better path from here on out....
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| love love love |
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| channeling Rapunzel. I've GOT to find this wig for my girl! |
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| strong boy!! |
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| Edward and Jacob, eat your hearts out... |
Saturday, February 11, 2012
favorites of February...
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| THIS! It's hilarious and on one of my new favorite autism-mama websites. |
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| random huggies. always a favorite. |
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| girlfriend wore a new striped shirt/cigarette pants ensemble the other day, and chose ballerina flats to complete the look. The outfit, along with her general impishness made me think of Audrey Hepburn all day. |
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| cousins! circa 2011... |
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| and 2008....love watching them grow! |
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| random lunches out on daddy's day off.... |
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| cowboys |
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| mud. yep, even mud is a favorite when my kids love it so much that I'm guaranteed a full 45 minute no-fighting stretch! |
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| this root beer; bottles only please. I've had one every night for two weeks...simple pleasures. |
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| Max and Ruby, the cartoon. We're having a real issue with Violet and television right now; as in, she doesn't want it on ever. Yeah, I know, but how's a mama to pick up or do laundry or make a meal without a safe 22-minute diversion? So Max and Ruby is the one thing I can count on right now. Although only certain episodes, particularly, "Max and Ruby's Tai Chi" (or as we call it, " Max and Ruby Chytee!"- imagine how fun THAT was to figure out!). |
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| thinking about cutting bangs. I want this, but am pretty sure I'd end up with |
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| this. Or worse, |
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| one of these. |
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| grandparents' day at school! how lucky are my twins that they have four 'real' grandparents and two 'adopted'? Plenty of loving to go around. |
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